Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Two words: nipple clamps
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