: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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