I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
