I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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