my vag is so smooth its legendary
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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