So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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