Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
