I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
there is puke in my bra ... again
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
