my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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