I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
