yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
