So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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