So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
