thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
