that's an acceptable place to lick
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize