What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize