So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The Olympian is in my bed
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
