i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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