are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i think i have two assholes
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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