i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
