My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
