I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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