so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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