so let's talk penis.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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