do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
