I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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