My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
