Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
