im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
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