im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
