we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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