i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
