oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
