I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
