we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
