how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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