id be glad to
I will die if light touches me.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
