she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
