Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize