So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
