Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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