This is not my ceiling
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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