There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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