mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
