When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
