she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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