physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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