I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
