If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
