i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
