Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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