you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
