he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We need to rekindle our bromance
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
