The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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