He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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