high people should be assigned attendants
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
