he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
