I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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