i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
