Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
