I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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