Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
