One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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