I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
