that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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