I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just found puke in my bra..
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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