I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
