You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I deserve this hangover.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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