im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
