I didn't shave. On purpose
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
