i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
